I moved into Lagos 3 months ago, in search of greener pastures. Well, my type of greener pastures covers a lot of things, including the type of women I see in Nollywood movies.
In my village, I am well known and respected amongst every women’s association. – I was freely marketed by word of mouth.
They called me “Odogwu” aka “The lion king”. The ladies feared me but wanted me always. I was on the bucket list of every lady in town. First thing you would see on my CV was “I last 1-hour in bed”. – I was proud and shameless. Until Temilola showed me pepper.
My encounter in Lagos proved to me that an Aligator in the village can turn to a lizard in Lagos. – I was just a local champion.
I met Temilola on 2go app. she looked very innocent and inexperienced. However, she tried to warn me not to judge a book by its cover, in my head, she was just trying to feel among, so, I presented my CV to her and added extra. As a sweet boy, I was able to talk her into meeting up. Saturday noon was the agreed time.
The day came, I was eager to play my first match in Lagos. I woke up by 6 A.M to clean my house. I cleaned so much to the extent that I started applying wall paints to some parts of the room. – It was a serious thing mehn.
My neighbors started wondering what was happening, and I responded that the UEFA champions league match is about to happen in my house. They should get ready for a clash between Messi and Ronaldo.
Finally, she showed up.
The first thing she said was “na you go tap out”. I laughed and responded, “You don’t know what’s going on…haq haq haq”.
Then the match began.
We started with the style I knew all my life, which is the missionary position (The lady lays on the bed, and the man dances on top), and after 30 minutes, Temi took over the ride. Every 5 minutes came in a different style she learned from Fiesta social media page @fiestanaija. – I knew I had lost the battle.
After 1 hour, my tool of penetration retired, but Temi was still filled with energy and wanted more. She tried licking and rubbing, but for where?! the dead couldn’t rise. She left my house feeling like she has conquered Rome. – I felt dejected.
Hours after she left; Ade, who stays just beside my apartment, and a champions league player like me, came knocking, asking why he hasn’t seen me outside all day. Then I explained everything to him. He laughed at me and called me a JJC, saying “if you no sharpen up for this Lagos, my brother, you go carry last”.
I responded with “My guy, abeg tell me wetyn to do, no dey laugh me“
Ade went into his apartment and came back with a pack of pills. “Oga, no be headache dey worry me abeg” – I lamented.
He called me “ode”, and explained what the packet of the tablet was.
“This is called Penegra, with this, you fit knack dey go for 6 hours or more sef…once you take am, your confidence go shoot up sharp-sharp…but na only when you ready for match, you go use am ooo”.
As soon as I heard it, I picked my phone and texted Temi;
“Hey Temi, the VAR just reviewed the last match and called your win inconclusive, I am appealing for a rematch”. She agreed.
10 A.M next Saturday, someone’s daughter will understand why I am called “The Lion King”.